My Musical Culture

    I'd like to start out by saying I struggle a lot with anxiety and depression and a lot of my music choices will definitely reflect that. They might seem just plain weird or stupid, but for whatever reason they help me calm myself down, and even help me be a little happier sometimes. I've had some weird influences for my music choices, but here's my musical culture at this moment in time :)

Leela (Leelee Bean)

Leels enjoying a snack

Leels and Me on a "venture"

Smokey (Smokalicious)

Now let's begin:

    Right now in my life is full of all kinds of changes. I've had my fair share of comfort songs, movies, and shows, but now on top of trying to soothe my anxiety I also have to focus. As a result, I like listening to more calming music. This typically winds up being a slow song from a movie, indie music, or music from a video game (specifically Zelda). Since I have a very busy homework schedule in addition to workouts, cleaning, and trying to talk to my loved one's I've been focusing on music that I can recognize without really thinking. This allows me to focus on the sound to drown out distractions from my roommate, hall mates, and sometimes the A/C unit, while also having the ability to but my brain power towards my work. I spent a lot of my 2020 playing two Zelda games in particular: Ocarina of Time and Breath of the Wild. I played these games so frequently, for so long that sometimes I just find myself singing the melodies for no good reason. So my song that gets played on repeat more than I'd like to admit is one of the following versions of the same song:

    When I think of music that I have a strong emotional connection there is one specific song that come to mind: "OK" by The Wallows. During 2020 I was in a very bad place, but not because of quarantine or COVID. To avoid going into more details, I'll just talk about where I'm going with this. Starting in 2019, my sophomore year in high school I started leasing a big, goofy horse named Devon. He was a rescue and it definitely showed. He was incredibly skinny and out of shape. Throughout my time with Devon, the Devster if you will, we had many ups and downs. He was clumsy and definitely could be a handful, but he became my best friend. I would go to see him almost every day, or at least as often as I could. I would go ride after sleepless nights, go play with him in the pouring rain, visit him in the freezing cold and the blazing Charleston heat. When we jumped he would throw his head up to make sure I didn't fall. When he gained enough weight to need a new girth we spent a summer riding bareback. He even knew commands like come, stay, back up, and wait. But towards the middle of 2020 my mental health began to decline. It got hard for me to get out of bed and I couldn't make the drive to go see him as often. I felt bad that he wasn't getting worked so I told my friend he could occasionally be used in lessons for walk trot. Fast forward and my friend had to leave for college. I assumed that was the end of Devon getting used. However, Devon was losing weight rapidly. Despite the special feed I bought to help him keep weight he was beginning to look like he had when he was first rescued. I couldn't understand why. Until I found out he wasn't getting the special feed. He also wasn't getting lots of time. Without my knowledge or permission he was being used. My tack was being used. I began coming out as often as I could in an attempt to protect him. I treated his superficial injuries, gave him extra hay, let him sit with the fan on, and let him graze around the property where there was more grass. But it wasn't fixing the problem. At that point Devon was extremely depressed. So while I sat and cried with him I called my trainer to ask for help. The next morning we loaded our horses, packed our stuff and my trainer took the horses to Aiken. This was the song that played when I drove out behind the trailer. It was the last time Devon would be home with me. He's made a full recovery and the quick move to Aiken ended up saving his life and the life of my trainer's horse, but the song still represents a huge loss for me. Devon helped me through a lot. The song itself isn't that sad, but the memory I associate with it definitely is. I get emotional whenever I hear it now. So now that I've given my long drawn out backstory to this here is the song:

    Now for the longest time I had never heard this song. I actually found this song as a result of a joke about my cat. We call my cat, Sammy, The Eggman because of the shape of his head. It looks like an egg. So for a long time, before he got new nicknames, any time he walked in the room my mom and I would say "I am the Eggman, coo coo ca choo" or simply "coo coo ca choo". My mom started adding the sounds after a video she saw that was more of a meme than anything else, but in an attempt to find the video she was referring to we stumbled upon this song. I can't exactly pinpoint what I don't like about it. Maybe the length? Maybe the bass? Maybe the lyrics? All I know is I don't vibe with this song. It did provide a nickname for my other cat, Roger. He is now known as "The Walrus" among other things. Now I give you I Am the Walrus by the Beatles.

    

With a special thanks to these fine young men:

Devon

Sammy

Roger